Strange dreams again, Cici and René and Antaki was in it, and a lot of people I once used to know (some of them I still know), escaped from jail and there was a big car filled with water, and me and the driver went south with two girls (one of them I'm quite sure I know).
And now - early in the morning in the studio - more fuckin' cheap instant coffee. Well, it's quite comfortable here since I got the heater from Tony and that big thing that boils water from Anne (big thanx to them), but is it a good way too live? No windows, no television, no food (been eating instant noodles for a while, but now I'm fed up, I feel sick just thinking of them). Need money, need more clothes, suppose I need sex also, but in the last case, well, I don't care so much anymore. Is it how it feels to grow old?
Too much hanging around in bars lately, and too much pills (all kinds, pills to put me asleep, pills to kill my pain, pills to make me "not so very depressed", pills just for pleasure), so the last week I've been staying down in the studio, playing stupid games on the computer, trying to get another website in order so I can gain some money (I need them fast), trying to start painting again, trying to stay alive (but I'm not sure I want to). Please Norway, send me my €1370 fast so I will survive the X-mas!!! Seems like everybody wants money of me, I can understand them, in some way. Better take all of the money and buy boxes of red wine and drink the stuff fast together with my sleeping pills and painkillers, that'll do; only that it seems a little sad to end up dead in a place like this, better go to Paris to do that I s'pose.
Hm, seems like I'm going to get a lot more money than usual for January; thanx, that helps me a lot right now! I need at least cigarettes to stay alive!!!
Yeah, sure, last weekend I was fucked up, been drinking for some days and went out and went into a state between dream and reality; sounds creative, but - fuck - no; and a few nights ago - just before I went asleep - the heater started to talk to me, telling me strange things; maybe it's time for me to have a vacation at the asylum...
Maybe it's time to do something else...