Fuck! Got a fever, waiting for money that never shows up, living in darkness, getting older for each fuckin' minute, no food, now at least a TV with one channel (the most boring one of course), complaining a lot, no more sleeping pills (means no sleep), no wine, no sex (and as a matter of fact I don't care much about such things no longer), freezing, heater is on but can't warm me up, no paint (almost out of everything: canvas, acrylics, boards, black oil paint &c.), no shower; no future, no adress. Well, I got cigarettes and coffee for a couple of days, and I hope I'll receive my money soon; then I have to go away for a while, visiting Amsterdam and Liège would be a good idea, problem is Cici's gone this month and my new friend Martha is gone next, so what can I do? There are not many people I want to meet right now. Can wait until May, but what to do meanwhile? Can't work under these circumstances, that's for sure; was OK until a few days ago, now everythings seems so...I don't really know for sure... Strange dream about Nina, her birthday, there was a party and all her ex-boyfriends was invited except for me, and all of them had anything in common with me. Another cigarette, more fuckin' coffee, it's morning (or something). Have to find a printer so I can post that long boring letter to Martha, and money for a stamp. Hope Pablo will be home today, need Internet and a printer. What happened to my last 5 years? I don't wanna know. Need to sleep for a long long while... Yeah, there was something medieval in my dreams too, about cheese and porno and witches, wish I could remember more of that part of the dream... Now Vera phoned me, she was in a worse state than I am, lost on a train station with hangover and no ticket to go home and out of cigarettes. So why am I complaining? Life could be worse...