Back again, been at a hospital for about 3 weeks, vicious infection, sedated about 5 times, cut in pieces, a 35 centimeter long scar, still an open wound that I have to walk around with for some more weeks. Fuckin' lotta pain, but anyway, Sister Morphine helped me a few times a day, and there was many other injections and pills, many nurses, nothing to do except for reading and sketching and watching TV. And sleeping pills, first time I slept OK since Paris. Since a few days ago I feel a painful sorrow, it took over when some of the physical pain went away, don't know which kind is the worst, both of them can only be cured by drugs (or maybe I'm wrong, I hope so). Brain's fucked up. Had many visitors, that helped me a little through the endless days. Survived this time too, but it seems to have been close to death (again), wonder how many more times I can escape the grim reaper (& I'm not sure if I want to, last year has been a little too tough). Started with a sudden fever, 2 days after came the pain, waited for another 2 nights before I realized I had to go to the hospital, think it was in the last minute (I can't stand hospitals). Now living with an ex-girlfriend for a while until I'm able to...what the fuck...