Well, almost fainting, don't know how many days without food, I hate to admit it, it seems to be necessary to eat sometimes. Still have some cigarettes, and a prescription for more painkillers, and no pills to make me sleep and make me feel better, fuck! Strange dream about Martha having a show in London. Yesterday Ash was in my studio sharing a few beers, and what about today? Don't know a shit, have enough money for another packet of cigarettes, but then I can't afford the bus on monday and that means no pills to get me asleep. Head's almost buzzing now. Today's the day my neighbour killed himself, must be about six years ago, sad, I liked him, shootgun against his head while his wife was out walking the dog, since then this day always reminds me of him. Have to get outta this place. Maybe can phone Tony, or go to Pablo, or whatever, drink some glasses of water, don't know. Started on another painting yesterday, but today, no, can't paint, can't do anything. Can try to read another page about Gerard David, an old catalogue from the 40's, yeah, then I have something to do. And another cigarette...