Don't feel too good today. Haven't heard from Boel for days, just a rumour that she jumped out of a running car friday night. Crying inside. Shaking. Met Sara yesterday, she offered me too much to drink. What's up? I dont know anything by now, just thinking of that lover (or whatever she is) and if I still got her. Out of money again, need to sell a painting soon. Fuck! I'm hungry and I need a drink (or something else, just to take away the heartache). Listening to "Bewildered" over and over again.Wishing this day will go away, it's kinda cursed. Well, she gave me a golden earring for birthday present, pirate look, I love it. Hate this day... Thinking of all the things we have done during the last two months...

And now it's evening. Tried to go downtown to see if I could find a trace of her somewhere, or go to her apartment, but I felt quite bad and ended up at an ex-girlfriend's place, then I went back to the studio. Wish I had something to calm me down!!! She doesn't answer her phone. Can't she call me? I need to know something! I have to lay down...