So I met her two days ago, we could speak to each other for a few minutes without that guys interference, it seems like there is a little hope left. Can't see that guy as a threat, why should I? And in fact, I look much better than he does and he's doing the things that I did wrong (before I changed and decided not to act like a wet puppy). This game is interesting, I don't know what will happen. It doesn't affect me at all when they are kissing (well, maybe it does, but I hide my feelings), and it seems like they haven't had sex at all. Have been working in my atelier the whole fuckin' day, works quite well when I have these great pills (but maybe it's time to cut down a little, have been eating them for about two weeks, and then there has been a little too much to smoke - and sometimes smoking bad stuff makes me paranoid - and a little alcohol every day, not much as I have the pills, that's enough for me; and off course I must eat them, artists are supposed to use drugs)... And now Thomas phoned, he's heading downtown, and I s'pose I'll do the same. Yeah, I'm leaving this place now, have been here the whole fuckin' day (now I said/wrote that again, I'm sorry), now it's about 21:30 and I wonder if I will meet her tonight. The last weeks I've seen her everyday, that is more often than when we were lovers, but then things are strange...