Here comes the summer. Strange weeks has passed. After that night with Boel I got another hang-up, fuck, so Cecilia (one of them) came to town and we had a session, beginning to like to have sex with her, really. Then too much drugs and stuff. Then went to Pärnu in Estonia where I could calm down a little and make some drawings in blood and stuff. Since I came back I don't know much, need somebody to love, don't need somebody to love, brain's a mess. And S. was here, she will be back in about 2 months she said. Now drinkin' wine, don't know what else to do, feeling dizzy. Who's my baby-darling?!!! My brain's a mess; can't remember names, can't hardly think at all. Think I need a doctor, plenty of them indeed. "Where is my mind? Where is my mind?" Wonder what Jean-Paul Sartre (also the name of my new rat - not a real rat of course, can't take care of animals right now) would have said about my situation, or rather, I know what he would have said. Waiting for a telephone call...