It's fuckin' night. Had a dream last night (after I had been stayin' awake for an eternity), she saw two scars on my right arm, telling me they meant "love for eternity" and that she wished she had two (scars) like that. Well, now I got them. Dream continued, was sitting at a table with a lotta friends, Boel at my left, Sara at the right, B. wanted some pills to get asleep, S. wanted me to give her an orgasm (went under the table to her pussy), dream was over. Now fuckin' drinking wine, Pony's asleep, want her so fuckin' much, have to make up my mind (soon, pretty soon), what else can I do? Where's Martha? Where's Nina? Where's Cici? And Tommy? And now Pony's awake, drunk as hell; well, well, well (or whatever Rebecca said), I 'll survive (maybe). Who's my baby-fuckin'-darling?!!! Hell, noone knows (and nobody - except for me - cares). Right, now drunk Pony went to sleep in my bed, OK, can always sleep on the sofa, or in hell, or whatever. For sure I can go on for an eternity, got nothin' better to do. Hell is where my heart is, heart is where my hell is. Braindead for a couple of days, finally could sleep for some hours, then awake after all those strange dreams (or they may could have been convenient dreams, not quite sure yet), have to avoid...coffee! This business is kiiilling meeeee!!! And where's the Ramones? Gonna listen to Buddy Holly and the Supersuckers and Mickey & Silvia and whatever. Can somebody kill me?!!!...

Now it's 5 in the morning (the end of November), been listening too all that stuff, including Brenda Lee and Violent Femmes. Can recall I met Gordon Gano once, about 21 years ago, funny guy, but not as funny as the lyrics). And now the Sex Pistols! And Mazzy Star. Woaw, that girl, Hope, so fuckin' beautiful and with a voice that brings every heart to melt! Whatever. Tryin' to get fuckin' drunk ("I'm fucking drunk and I love you..." Louisa So-fucking-beautiful-parisian-girl 1985), and - yeah - more rock'n'roll music, Mike Berry I think, and it's fuckin' strange because these tracks have something in common, fuckin' much in common indeed. Need Boel, sleep in her arms, sleep for a while...

OK, cut myself again, don't know if it is eternal love or what else it could be, and now Weezer, fuck, love Weezer, she doesn't... Fuck, I'm stupid, there is no such thing as eternal love...

There is no love...

And now...the Sex Pistols...