Then just another morning; don't know what's going on; Boel phoned (and woke me up), wanted to see me at Palermo at 12, but I'm too tired for that, and now it's about 2PM; coffee and next cigarette; Petra's asleep and I don't know what we're into, no sex since sunday, now it's wednesday, I'm confused, 2 weeks of intensive sex and then suddenly nothing at all (we've done some kinky stuff); I'm afraid, thinking of the years with Helena, not speaking to each other... More of that fuckin' coffee. I'm afraid of losing her and I'm afraid of relationships, so what can I do?! Suppose I will lie there dead in the water, can't decide if this is good or not, I'll go on surfin' on the highest waves, relying on that they take me where I belong. Thinking of Sonic Youth's album "Confusion is Sex", would rather say that sex is confusion, but that's too simple. And Pelleport came in through the door this morning, glad I was lying in my bed (that is, not in Petra's), it was too early in the morning for explaining things, but I have to tell him soon, before everybody else but him knows. Fuck, I'm tired! Well, not as tired as yesterday, Adrian left some pills when he visited me during the weekend (really nice to meet him, 2 years since last time), will not take anymore of those, for sure. And then there's a funeral friday, not quite sure I will go there (I liked the guy, sure did, but funerals don't make me too happy). Tomorrow I will get some money, and I have some work to do, have to get another computer; and I tell you I'm tired by now, think I will rest for a while, or maybe start working, don't know anything at all, right now I just want to lie beside Petra and watching her sleeping...