Feeling even worse! Suddenly so lonely, need skin, kisses, sex; right now I'm out of order, can't think, can't work, can't do anything at all! There must be a change, somehow, maybe tomorrow; & I'm still in pain, almost out of painkillers, took the last morphine yesterday, now all I got is some codeine, that doesn't help much. Fuck, I think I'm going to cry soon. Maybe should call someone & ask her over, somebody has to take care of me, for sure...

Then...morning! Fell asleep and had a horrible nightmare (I'm not quite sure it was a nightmare, but I hope so), something held me so I couldn't move, I struggled in vain; then I woke up (at least I suppose I did), and then came Petra and I felt safe, but no, woke up again just to realize it was just another dream, and I suppose that I miss her as lover. Now drinking coffee, then I have to go shopping, need many things, too many things... In fact I feel quite bad right now, don't know what I'm into...