The big ugly bird is almost cold by now; it's night again, I don't feel  comfortable, something's wrong, I can feel it; now it's monday again, an evil  night for sure, the only sound I can hear is something very electronic, body's shivering, brain's a mess, maybe I know what it is, maybe not (and maybe I just don't care). So sad, so lonely in the night, have to eat my last of those pills that kills the buzzing agony; been awake for a while, about 40 hours by now, started saturday  with no-sleep-and-lots-of-stupid-associations-powder and 60 or 100 milligrams (can't remember) of that pain-killing-pill Sister M. ordinated, cigarettes, coffee, more cigarettes, some non-addictive herbs (kind of stupid, but fortunately the effect of it didn't last for long, that kind of stuff isn't really my cup of T, and frankly, I prefer coffee), since then more chemicals to wake me up and to make me calm, trying to work, generate stupid things with a little help from  the stupid computer, discussing stupid things with Crisis-to-offer, lovely Min-Sook showed up about 6 in the morning, about the same time Boel called (we talked for hours it seemed, must have been the longest conversation we ever had over the phone). She promised to call in the middle of this week, wanted to go to a nice little restaurant we went to about two years ago; I fed her with some kinda chicken, thought she needed to eat (and it was the very first time I saw her eat something) and we drank three bottles of red wine (she reminded me of). So I hope she'll not forget to call me, but I think I can rely on her, she's is a very reliable and honest person even if she sometimes not telling the whole truth, but she never lies. (The only time she didn't show up when she had promised to I later found her at Palermo - in the middle of June 2004 - and that became the beginning of the end of an extremely intensive and wonderful love affair; that night an ex-girlfriend let me stay overnight at her place, I'm not quite sure what would have happened if I had been alone; dear Boel, that night I shed lonesome tears for you; but however, we had a discussion about that night just a few months ago and she admitted that I was right in what I suspected). Shit, now I started to think about that nauseous summer 2 years ago, living on evil pills in a desperate effort to take away the unmentionable pain caused by that lovely girl when she ripped out my heart and crushed it under her cold  avenging feet. Yeah, I like her, no doubt about that; she's one of the 4 girls that have made a great impact on me since I left my (sometimes kind but more and more often  boring as the years passed) wife, indeed she's one of the most important characters that  appears in my abstract Book of Love. And now I think it's time to sleep before the sun rises, don't think it's a good idea to stay awake another 24 hours...

OK, awake; Petra told me I was talking in my sleep this morning. Great feeling when I was fallin into the abyss, felt like I had an great orgasm running through my whole body, but in the morning I felt worse, the cold penetrated every inch of me, but Petra swept me in another blanket; don't know what I was dreaming about, had to do something with stress. Smoked a cigarette, let my nose get acquainted to wake-me-up-quick-stuff; now I'm drinking coffee, thinking of Petra; what a great girl she is. Where's my clothes? Have to dress... And more coffee. And soon easter, Petra will leave town for a couple of days, so I hope Boel will take me out to that restaurant.
Yeah, she hasn't been sleeping here since December 25 (she showed up about 2 or 3)...

Cleaned up a little, had a little conversation with Funke over the phone, maybe should call Pony...

Called Pony, he's still in Kgnarpk but will visit Merdeville at the end of April, and I should take a trip to Fuck City and pick up that fuckin' computer that's waiting for me since too long, and soon Mischa will show up, and then Thomas will show up, and then I don't know, but for sure, I can feel I'm in a good mood today, maybe because I had a nice breakfast, and now Mischa showed up with beer and vodka, so hey ho, let's go...

Now Mischa and Musaraigne went out, Mischa's going to Palermo, Boel will be there soon, but I feel too miserable to go out now, even if I really would like to meet her, and it's midnight in about 2 minutes, I'll drink some beer and I still have some morphine and stuff, but I need something tomorrow too, quite sure of that; pray for me...