Even stranger days. Too much of everything, no not everything. Pablo is dead and will never come back and I still can't understand it; suppose I will at the funeral, and I tell ya, I can't stand funerals, but I must give him my last goodbye, he was such a beautiful friend. Can't remember much of the last 2 weeks, too many sorrows, too much of fuckin-hero-substitute. Remember that Adrian was here, and a lot of other people, and then one morning the police knocked on the door and took us with them, but anyway, it seems like they didn't find what they where looking for (and frankly we still don't know what they where looking for). One thing is for sure, it doesn't make you creative using drugs, I have to remember that and in the future keep away from that kind of stuff; but it's so easy loosing you're brain when you're sad and depressed and can't see anything positive in the future. Another cigarette, more coffee and the last of a glass of Coca-Cola. Can't explain why I'm in such a good mood today, maybe because I finally reached Anne on the phone yesterday (but we still not know how it could happen). And of course, me and Petra shared a bottle of vodka and all of a sudden had sex and I had forgot what sex does to me, had the greatest orgasm ever (well, right now it feels like that)...

Well, now I'm active, doin' things I should have done a long time ago. Summer rain. Don't know if it's Concerta or sex that have turned me active, and it really doesn't matter as long as I'm doin' things. Now I will have a little rest before I continue with whatever I was doing. J. left his computer at our place, he decided to go to the hospital to get some rest, maybe the right choice for him, hope it will make him feel a little better. Can't get rid of that sexual feeling from yesterday, we did not intend to fuck, we were just going to sleep together so we could take care of each other, but vodka makes things to you, for sure. And now it's time for something else, and on saturday it's time for the annual garden party, maybe can be a good thing to go there and meet some friends, have been staying to many nights in this apartment, even if it feels OK for me and I like to live with Petra, I can't lose all of my other connections. Well, have to do something...