So whats going on? Life is unfair, for sure. Confused, sad, heart full of tears, everything's disgusting, hate my life, hate my situation, don't know what I need, don't know what I want. Last weekend I had a great session with Boel at Mischa's place (have been seeing her a lot during the last weeks), then everything went chaotic, jealousy, new wounds, a lot of blood, shaking, crying, phoned J. who came with something to kill some of the pain, then Vera showed (almost 2 years since I saw her last time), and yesterday I went to Pablo's funeral, more pain, then home to where he lived, drank a lot, went out to the nearest bar with Anne and Gabriella, continued drinking, then Palermo, then went away for something else, a few minutes later Boel called saying she was going to Palermo, wish I had gone back there to meet her, but no, ended up in someone else's bed, had sex, feel bad for that too, so sad now, wish someone or something could cure me, there must be a future for me, no more dark clouds, please...